Анна Берсенева о воспитании из девочек жен


Автор: Анна Берсенева

Анна Берсенева (Татьяна Сотникова) - известный писатель, автор почти трех десятков романов, большинство из которых вышло в издательстве Эскмо. Еще она жена, мама двух сыновей, бабушка одной внучки. И человек поразительного мужества, о чем знают лишь немногие, близко знакомые с Анной-Татьяной. Писателями все-таки рождаются. Бухгалтерами, например, становятся. А женами? Об этом и размышляет Анна Берсенева.

 

Девочка была замечательная. Это я о семнадцатилетней дочери своих соседей по даче. В нашей деревушке образовалась отличная дачная компания, в которой взрослые и дети общались почти на равных. Вместе играли в футбол, праздновали дни рождения, ставили спектакли на огромной открытой веранде... И, конечно, вели задушевные разговоры. Вот в одном из таких разговоров красивая, умненькая, обаятельная девочка и сказала:

 - Я выйду замуж в восемнадцать лет.
 - Что так рано? - удивилась я. Удивление мое было тем большим, что специального девочкиного кавалера в большой дружеской компании как будто бы не наблюдалось.
 - А почему бы и нет? – в свою очередь удивилась она. – Это же в первый раз! Через год разведусь.
 - А если дети будут?
Девочка искренне не понимала, чего же во всем этом не понимаю я. Ведь жизнь – это такая легкая и приятная игра!Девочкина мама, преподаватель вуза, с улыбкой одобрила дочкины планы. В самом деле – не надо делать из замужества культа! Может быть, они обе просто шутили. Тем более что замуж та девочка не вышла ни в восемнадцать лет, ни в тридцать.

И почему я вспомнила об этом? Потому что и сейчас вижу повсеместно: умные, красивые, интеллигентные девочки понятия не имеют, что такое замужество и для чего оно нужно. Не в том смысле, что не умеют печь пироги или штопать носки, - они просто не воспринимают замужество как жизненную ценность. Их умные, интеллигентные, любящие мамы не рассказали о таковой жизненной ценности своим дочкам, и те искренне считают: замуж стремятся только клушки-неудачницы, которые ни на какую самостоятельную деятельность не способны, и только унылые личности относятся к замужеству чересчур серьезно.
Декларирование этой нехитрой мысли – следующий идейный этап в развитии этих девочек. Он наступает обычно не в семнадцать, а в тридцать лет. О том, что (лет в сорок) наступил следующий этап – разочарование, тоска одиночества и страх перед будущим, - окружающих обычно уже не информируют. 

Не знаю, сегодня ли произошла в обществе эта странная метаморфоза: когда девочки перестали понимать, что такое быть женой, и мамы перестали им это объяснять. Лет сто пятьдесят назад ситуация точно была иной - любая женщина, в том числе совсем маленькая, твердо знала: она никогда не будет счастлива, если не выйдет замуж за достойного человека. Да у нее, собственно, никаких здравых вариантов жизни, кроме замужества, и не было – не в монастырь же идти, не приживалкой же в богатый дом; все другие пути для женщины были закрыты.

Но постепенно мир поманил женщину множеством новых возможностей. Перечислять их, видимо, не стоит – они и так всем известны. Интересная работа, путешествия и прочее, прочее. И вот тут, мне кажется, у множества женщин самым банальным образом разбежались глаза. Мало кто из них, например, стал проговаривать про себя или высказывать дочери простую мысль: ты выбираешь себе профессию. Позволит ли она тебе заниматься мужем, детьми? Ну, признайтесь: есть ли среди ваших знакомых люди, которые хоть раз задали себе подобный вопрос?

Только поймите меня правильно: я совсем не против самореализации, в том числе – а может, и особенно – для женщины. Таланты, как известно, даны нам не для того, чтобы мы зарывали их в землю. Просто мне кажется, жизненные возможности должны быть выстроены в женском сознании в правильной иерархии. И вот эта-то правильность за последние сто пятьдесят лет, несмотря на все масштабные перемены, не изменилась ни на йоту: женщина по-прежнему не может быть счастлива, не может считать себя реализованной, если у нее нет семьи.

Создание семьи, то есть способность выбрать достойного человека, способность воспитать себя так, чтобы оказаться и оставаться для него интересной, способность стать ему спутницей на протяжении долгих лет, способность родить и воспитать достойных же детей - все это по-прежнему главное. Да, может статься так, что подобный мужчина не встретится и дети не родятся. Что делать в этом случае – предмет отдельного разговора. Но ясно, что реализовать себя женщине всегда труднее, чем мужчине: само понятие женской самореализации содержит в себе все вышеперечисленное плюс еще и самореализацию в профессии. Да, это очень трудно.

Об этой трудности девочек следует предупреждать. Как, впрочем, и о том, что жизнь вообще не пикник, а жизнь женщины в особенности, и в особенности той женщины, которая хочет быть счастливой.

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Ольга, 15.08.2011 17:07:22
Не менее печально, когда девочкам вбивается в голову, что высшая ценность для женщины - замужество. В результате, те выскакивают замуж за первого встречного, лишь бы не остаться в старых девах.
А потом обожглась, разочаровалась, и в результате то же одиночество.
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abjm@yandex.ru, 19.08.2011 15:50:36
не понимаю, почему надо - или-или? Конечно, семья - это очень важно! Самореализация тоже имеет значение. Вот это все и надо девочкам объяснять
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Марина Зеленина, 27.08.2011 14:46:06
Важно об этом говорить, ну а лучше, если личный пример удачный, конечно ребенок без объяснений будет воспринимать хорошие отношения в семье и в собственной жизни потом
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Марина Зеленина, 27.08.2011 14:46:34
[B]Марина
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Alexa, 07.09.2011 12:49:43
Цитата
Ольга пишет:
выскакивают замуж за первого встречного, лишь бы не остаться в старых девах
Сплошь и рядом, увы.
Мне кажется, ребенку нужно доносить, что семья - это искусство отношений, а не способ самореализации. Ну вышла замуж, то бишь реализовалась... а дальше что?.. А дальше оказывается, что толком ничего не умею, и самореализация уже не в радость.
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Мара, 21.10.2011 15:26:18
Замужество - это работа! И как любая работа она бывает интересной ;) или не очень :cry: , любимой :D или бррррр :o . Но большая часть удачи в семье, зависит безусловно от Жены, от ума , таланта, терпимости, хитрости , доброты, простодушия и щедрости женщины. И конечно от многого другого.Одно могу сказать c уверенностью - Семья это здорово!
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