А я люблю ушастого


У известного писателя Иосифа Гольмана в ноябре в издательстве «Эксмо» выходит новый роман «Счастье бывает разным». Действительно, счастье – штука очень индивидуальная. Кому-то для счастья нужен Бентли, а кому-то … Впрочем, об этом расскажет сам Иосиф Гольман.
Сразу честно сознаюсь, что я – автомобилеман. Или машинофил.
Я обожаю все, что имеет колеса, двигатель и руль. Ну — еще тормоза: я не согласен с теми, кто считает, что это устройство придумано трусами.

И, тем не менее, у меня есть любимый автомобиль. На все времена, века и моды. И этот автомобиль – «Запорожец», ЗАЗ-968. Не тот, что «мыльница», а тот, что «ушастый».

Как вы уже, наверное, догадались, люблю я его не потому, что он был самым совершенным авто из тех, которые довелось водить. А потому, что он был моим первым автомобилем.

Мне было 27 лет, я только что женился и тут же сделал моей новоиспеченной половине еще одно предложение: истратить все деньги, накопленные и подаренные на свадьбу, на старенький «Запорожец». На новенький, во-первых, не хватало 80% суммы, а во-вторых, тогда за машинами стояли многолетние очереди. Моя жена не подвела и, преодолев минутную слабость, почти сразу согласилась.

Мы объездили с ней все автопомойки того времени, куда инвалиды после семи лет эксплуатации сдавали свои машины. Ездили долго. За это время наш первый ребенок на две трети сгенерировался в ее животе, что не помешало нам тщательно проинспектировать десятки автопокойников.
В итоге был найден один, пригодный к реанимированию.
Он был гордого цвета «банан», имел зловещую дыру под аккумулятором, резина была стерта до корда — инвалиды перед сдачей машины, как правило, снимали с нее все сколь-нибудь ценное.
Да, я забыл сказать — он, разумеется, не заводился. Зато пробег был маленький — 18 тысяч километров. Забегая вперед: мы нашли его бывшего хозяина, чтобы выкупить колеса, и он нам честно признался, что спидометр вышел из строя в первый же год владения. Так что, каков был реальный пробег, он и сам не ведал. Кстати, колеса он к тому времени уже продал.
Мы привязали к моему «запору» — так их неблагозвучно сокращали —  веревку, и мой папа на крутых «Жигулях» одиннадцатой модели потащил наше счастье к дому: я еще не ведал, что этот метод передвижения будет обычным для моей машины. У дома ее накрыли брезентом и стали ждать очереди на техстанцию.
Когда она подошла, под брезентом оказалось пятнистое чудище: краска отошла кусками. Но ничто не могло вытравить из моего сердца любовь…

В общем, ездили мы попеременно: то я на нем, то он на мне. Причем, первый год – почти без аккумулятора. Утром меня толкали пацаны около дома. А вечером – мои сотрудники из НИИ. Глушить мотор и останавливаться было можно только на горках, чтоб завестись, скатываясь.
Потом друзья приволокли мне огромный аккумулятор. Подозреваю, что от танка. Он занимал весь багажный отсек Банана — такое имя получила моя машина. На техосмотре милиционер даже решил, что это — электромобиль.

Колеса были по-прежнему никакие, и с ними связана одна прикольная история. Как-то выхожу с работы и еще издали четко вижу… новые колеса! Все четыре! Протектор аж сияет. Вот это было ощущение!
То есть злодеи снимали колеса во дворах по ночам регулярно. И тоже без спроса. Но чтоб надеть…
Подойдя ближе, я обнаружил, что протектор аккуратно нарисован тушью — это порезвились друзья из дизайнерского отдела. Впрочем, я над ними и похлеще шутил…

А еще летом отказывал бензонасос: начинал гнать пену вместо жидкости. Мотор глох, я останавливался, поднимал крышку капота и садился читать газету — все равно, пока не остынет, не заведется. А глох он в самых разных местах — на перекрестке Щелковского шоссе и 9-й Парковой, например. Бывало, читаешь так газету, а сзади подъедет какой-нибудь охламон и начинает злобно бибикать. Я выходил и деликатно спрашивал, могу ли чем-то помочь. Девяносто килограммов изысканной вежливости всегда действовали отрезвляюще.

Думаю, что именно из-за неисправного бензонасоса я стал самым спокойным водителем в городе.
Тем временем моя жена родила мне двух девочек и мальчика. Хоть и говорят, что своя ноша не тянет, но Банан регулярно останавливался на крутых подъемах. А чтобы это было весело, я убедил детей гудеть, помогая мотору в трудных ситуациях. И если он глох — значит, плохо гудели. В общем, всем было смешно.

Кстати, когда автомобиль действительно понадобился — опасно заболела одна из дочек — Банан не подвел: я мотался на нем весь жаркий июльский день, проехал четыре сотни километров по разным дорогам, по врачам и за лекарствами — он не заглох ни разу! Так что душа у автомобилей, несомненно, есть. И сердце тоже.

Подводя итоги, скажу следующее. 
Реально глядя на жизнь, вряд ли я когда-нибудь по доброй воле променяю мой сегодняшний «Ягуар» на «ЗАЗ-968». Но и забыть кайф от обладания своим первым авто — тоже не смогу. Да и не захочу.




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Набережная в свете фонарей, изысканный ресторан – эти места стали банальными дляпредложения руки и сердца. А хочется, чтобы такой волшебный момент запомнился навсегда. Романтическое путешествие вам в помощь!

Новый год: инструкция по безопасности Новый год: инструкция по безопасности
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Куда отправиться за впечатлениями на всю жизнь Куда отправиться за впечатлениями на всю жизнь
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 На чемоданах: несколько советов по провозке багажа в самолетах На чемоданах: несколько советов по провозке багажа в самолетах
Сколько вещей взять с собой в поездку? Как уместить больше сувениров на обратном пути? За что придется доплачивать, а за что – нет? И как обезопасить багаж от порчи или потери? В помощь путешественникам международный специалисты составили подборку лайфхаков по провозке багажа при авиаперелетах.


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