Детская независимость: свобода или бесконтрольность?


Автор: Марина Владимирова

Ребенка надо контролировать – постулат, не вызывающий сомнений у большинства родителей. Во взрослом возрасте всякий родитель желает видеть своего ребенка сильным, успешным, независимым. В каком возрасте ребенку необходимо предоставить свободу? Какую степень свободы? Где заканчивается необходимая свобода и начинается бесконтрольность? Как установить разумные рамки родительской опеки?

Вопросы сложнейшие. Мы кормим их с ложечки, потому что они маленькие, помогаем делать уроки, потому что им трудно, корректируем выбор друзей, досуга, потому что мы лучше знаем, что для них лучше. Мы всегда хотим, как лучше. А как получается в реальной жизни?

Во взрослом возрасте люди, которых чрезмерно опекали в детстве, страдают депрессиями, подвержены паническим атакам. К такому выводу пришли специалисты из Университета Мэри Вашингтон. Они проанализировали поведение 297 молодых людей в возрасте от 18 до 23 лет. Те, кого родители контролировали денно и нощно, плохо ладят с окружающими, подвержены депрессии, не уверены в собственных силах.

Значит ли это, что дети должны быть полностью предоставлены сами себе? Ни в коем случае. Недолюбленные дети – это проблемные взрослые. Специалисты из Университета Торонто исследовали 400 канадских семей. Выявлена закономерность: если ребенок не чувствовал себя в детстве любимым, видел, что родители, например, больше любят его брата или сестру, став взрослым такой недолюбленный  человек страдает психическими расстройствами, не может добиться карьерных успехов, часто испытывает финансовые затруднения. Кстати, оказалось, что к выделению самого любимого ребенка в семье чаще склонны женщины, а не мужчины.

Существует еще одна опасность уже чисто медицинского характера: часто произносимое родителями слово «нельзя» в буквальном смысле вредно для здоровья. Негативные эмоции, связанные с запретами в детстве, увеличивают вероятность серьезных проблем с сердечно-сосудистой системой во взрослом возрасте. Так, во всяком случае, полагают британские кардиологи.

Так какой же вывод надо сделать нам, родителям? Старый как мир: чувство меры. Оно должно быть во всем. Кормить с ложечки до пяти лет – также глупо, как диктовать 15-летнему подростку, с кем ему лучше дружить. Ребенка надо любить, но нельзя устраивать террор собственной любовью. Помогать, но не бросаться все делать за него. Вседозволенность неприемлема, но надо попытаться объяснить, почему вот это – нельзя, а это – можно.

Попробуем с малого? Вот вы уже открыли рот, чтобы сказать дочке, как ей не идет эта челка. Стоп! Спросите сперва, почему челка именно такая? Выяснится, что у модной певицы ( актрисы, популярной девочки в школе) точно такая же. И вот вам возможность подружиться с дочерью. Попробуйте объяснить девочке, что у кумира – совершенно другой типаж. Наверняка, есть не менее модная певица, чью челку можно скопировать без ущерба для внешности.

И – самое главное. Даже если у вас в этот раз не получилось переубедить ребенка, не спешите кричать: - Я тебе запрещаю! Вы же взрослый человек! Подумайте, речь идет только о челке. Стоит ли из-за такой ерунды портить нервы себе и, главное, ребенку?

У вас все получится. Постепенно. Вот увидите!


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Три варианта завтрака для первоклассника Три варианта завтрака для первоклассника
Многие родители знают, как трудно заставить ребенка позавтракать. Попробуйте привычные блюда превратить в аппетитные дессерты - вот увидите, ребенок с удовольствием их съест.

Как грамотно завершить грудное вскармливание Как грамотно завершить грудное вскармливание
Кормлению грудью часто становится проблемой - и не только когда у женщины молока мало, но и в том случае, когда молока много. Бывает, что мама кормит ребенка грудью до двух, а то и до трех лет. Хорошо это или плохо? И как завершить кормление, чтобы не травмировать ребенка?

Трудности первого класса Трудности первого класса
В первый раз в первый класс - это одновременно и праздник, и стресс. Даже если ребенок психологически подготовлен к школе, мамам и папам нужно понимать, что трудности на первом году обучения - естественны.
  

Наука для вашего ребенка Наука для вашего ребенка
Дорогие мамы и папы! Если вы хотите, чтобы ваше чадо не воспринимало науку, как что-то скучное и нудное, приведите его на Фестиваль Увлекательной науки.  


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Guest, 20.02.2013 16:47:45
Вы забыли о главном: собственному ребенку надо доверять. Если вы ему не доверяете, окружающие тем более не будут.
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Guest, 20.02.2013 20:00:38
Вы предлагаете пустить детей на самотек? И что из них вырастет?!
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Игорь Элин, 28.02.2013 17:28:10
Учить ребёнка математике учат в пединституте, а воспитывать ребёнка в семье не учат нигде. А ведь в семье ребёнок учится больше и чаще... Вот где ошибка на мой взгляд... У нас над головой дети 3-4 года бегают до часу ночи при полном попустительстве родителей. Вот вам и проблема. Институты семьи нужны...
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Guest, 29.04.2013 18:27:18
Если  ребенок рожден в любви и окружен ею,  он вырастет гармоничным и добрым  человеком. Основа воспитания - это свобода и доверие. В моем окружении очень много людей, воспитанных на  этих постулатах – успешные, креативные, интересные личности.  Кстати, мне весьма импонирует  принцип воспитания  Ворониной Л.А. Я с  Воронинойполностью солидарна.
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There are petitions pending which challenge the refusal of the Chief Rabbinate and the state to recognize conversions performed through independent Orthodox rabbinical courts, and a petition against the monopoly of the Chief Rabbinate over kashrut.Should the courts rule against the establishment on these issues it would constitute a crippling blow to the authority and standing of the Chief Rabbinate.It seems that the more the rabbinate tries to hold on to its exclusive control of religion in the State of Israel, the greater difficulties it is experiencing in achieving its goal of standardizing and centralizing the governance of Jewish life in the country.Although it seems unlikely, at least in the near future, that the entire edifice of the established synagogue in Israel will collapse, the confrontation with the Chief Rabbinate over Jewish conversion is yet another example of how its decreasing legitimacy and relevance have spawned yet another challenge to its authority.The other striking element of the new conversion courts is the very fact that it is members of the national-religious rabbinical elite who have so dramatically decided to circumvent the Chief Rabbinate, the institution established by the founding father of religious Zionism, Rabbi Avraham Yitzhak Hacohen Kook.His vision, and that of the national-religious community, is that the Chief Rabbinate should serve as the central Jewish authority in the Jewish state and be the sole legitimate body that governs Jewish life in Israel.It is seen as an essential part of the return to Zion and the end of the Exile in which a disparate number of Jewish communities were scattered around the world and in which Jewish practices and customs were governed by an equally disparate and unconnected array of rabbis and leaders.Rabbi David Stav, one of the primary proponents of the Giur K halacha conversion network, ran to be Ashkenazi chief rabbi but was defeated by the incumbent Rabbi David Lau. On Monday, Stav explained however that the decision to go around the Chief Rabbinate regarding conversion was taken out of a sense of responsibility for the future of the Jewish people and of Israeli society.However, there are serious opponents within the national- religious camp to damaging the authority and standing of the Chief Rabbinate in this way.Rabbi Haim Druckman, another of the most senior and influential national religious leaders with weighty political clout, denounced the new conversion courts for exactly this reason, even though he tacitly acknowledged that they would conform to the requirements of Jewish law and is himself a proponent of increasing conversion among the non-Jewish population of immigrants from the former USSR.But as Bayit Yehudi party chairman Bennett said in his statement, it is also possible that the Chief Rabbinate will regain its composure and work together with the new conversion courts, or at the least engage in its own efforts to increase conversion rates.It does seem however that the chances the Chief Rabbinate will abandon its narrow vision of Jewish life in Israel and its centralizing fervor are smaller than the possibility of a deeper rift in the national-religious leadership. y Cheap MLB Jerseys
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